


Don't go in there, you'll become one

by cosmic__boi



Series: Bend the Nightmare [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Other, Protective Victor Zsasz, Queer Families, Queerplatonic Relationships, but like, chatfic, described, i love this family so much ok, is that day today?, its just threats, nope - Freeform, victor fries is a dad, yes i am hoping to at some point do a songfic for it, yes i love that song and think it has big gotham vibes, yes this series and work names are based off the tally hall song turn the lights off
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic__boi/pseuds/cosmic__boi
Summary: Group chat fic corresponding with the And They Were Roommates fic in this series.
Relationships: Jeremiah Valeska & Jerome Valeska, Jeremiah Valeska/Bruce Wayne, Jonathan Crane & Edward Nygma & Jervis Tetch, Jonathan Crane & Jervis Tetch, Jonathan Crane & Jervis Tetch & Jerome Valeska, Jonathan Crane/Jervis Tetch, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle & Ivy Pepper & Bridgit Pike, Selina Kyle/Bridgit Pike, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Victor Fries & Bridgit Pike, Victor Fries & Everyone
Series: Bend the Nightmare [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788205
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justabitwayward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justabitwayward/gifts).



> Occurs right after chapter 3 of And They Were Roommates
> 
> As always, this is, of course, gifted to justabitwayward :D
> 
> Jerome - clownboi  
> Jeremiah - loser  
> Jonathan - baghead   
> Jervis - hatty  
> Bridgit - pyromaniac   
> Selina - the furry   
> Ivy - scary plant lady  
> Zsasz - homeless assassin   
> Nygma - tall green one  
> Fries - the chill one

_ Jerome _ added  _ 9  _ other people

_ Jerome  _ changed _ 1  _ nickname

_ clownboi  _ changed  _ 9 _ nicknames

clownboi: whaddup fuckers

baghead: wtf

baghead: why am i baghead

clownboi: are u not??

homeless assassin: wtf jerome

homeless assassin: i’m not??? homeless???

loser: haha yes i am a loser haha

loser: jerome is the best valeska 

clownboi: <3 thanks broski 

homeless assassin: oh no jerome stole jeremiah’s phone and he’s coming to get it back

homeless assassin: they’re fighting and i can’t tell who’s winning

pyromaniac: is that what that noise is?

pyromaniac: ok what the fuck is this nickname jerome

the furry: lmao

the furry: oh

the furry: ur fuckin dead valeska

hatty: oof

loser: HA

loser: FUCK YOU JEROmE

loser: OK IM GOING TO KILL U WTF JEROME

the chill one: everyone just wants jerome dead at this point lol

the chill one: oh actually that’s a nice nickname

the chill one: thank you, jerome

clownboi: UR THE ONLY ONE IM SAFE WITH IM COMING TO YOU

the chill one: my room is below freezing point rn but ok

clownboi: IDC MIAH HAS A KNIFE

tall green one: why is there a group chat now

tall green one: oh very creative :/

_ tall green one  _ changed  _ 1 _ nickname

???: much better

baghead: nerd

hatty: wait where is dear ivy? 

the furry: she’s painting her nails, her phones gonna be so spammed…

baghead: f

pyromaniac: f

hatty: f

???: f

loser: f

loser: ok no

_ loser _ changed  _ 1  _ nickname

miah: much better

clownboi: you lack creativity, dear brother, and that will be your undoing

homeless assassin: w o a h

homeless assassin: when did jerome get poetic?

baghead: it was his one braincell actually working

hatty: it only happens once a year

the furry: beautiful *wipes tear*

clownboi: ok r00d

the chill one: ok btw, who is going out tomorrow to get groceries?

homeless assassin: I can go, if others come too. we need to get a lot and i need help carrying them

the chill one: i can type up the grocery list and send it to you (?)

homeless assassin: thanks, i’d appreciate that

pyromaniac: ?????

the chill one: what?

pyromaniac: what are you two, our parents??

the furry: zsasz and fries are now officially our dads 

???: the two victors

homeless assassin: what

miah: congrats, you have children now

homeless assassin: who??

baghead: us *chuckles darkly*

the chill one: oh no

hatty: except for edward, he’s more of the weird uncle

???: i can accept that

clownboi: FUCK

the furry: ???

???: what

the furry: not you

miah: jerome tried to leave the closet he locked himself in and saw me with the knife >:)

clownboi: >:(

pyromaniac: ovo

baghead: owo?

pyromaniac: ovo

pyromaniac: uvu 

pyromaniac: uwu

pyromaniac: owo

homeless assassin: what,,, just happened?

pyromaniac: asksbsidbs idk

baghead: keysmash? oh so ur a bottom? good to know. 

pyromaniac: AKSJDL S. T OP

the furry: R I P

hatty: oh dear

pyromaniac: x-x

???: jonathan killed bridgit oh no

baghead: oh no

the furry: what have you done??

baghead: bridgit no please come back

pyromaniac: no

baghead: :(

_ pyromaniac  _ changed  _ 1 _ nickname

dead: goodbye cruel world 

the chill one: what is happening

dead: i died

the chill one: how??

dead: jonathan cyberbullied me

baghead: i’m so sorry 

the chill one: guess who’s getting frozen

baghead: OH FUCK

baghead: jervis?? help????

hatty: fries you can’t kill one of your children

the chill one: …

the chill one: shit, you’re right

baghead: ha HA!

baghead: thanks jervis

hatty: anytime

dead: damn, so close to getting avenged

miah: are u just stuck haunting this building then?

dead: guess so

_ miah _ changed  _ 1  _ nickname

a ghost: oop-

scary plant lady: what happened ??

the furry: oh hi ivy

scary plant lady: hi…?

a ghost: you missed a lot

scary plant lady: oh wow

scary plant lady: well at least my name is accurate. be afraid, be very afraid >:)

a ghost: ivy yesterday i saw you eating a Happy Meal

a ghost: mcnuggets and all

miah: ivy is the baby of the group

the furry: and jervis

hatty: what??

baghead: ok accurate

clownboi: what about the rest of us?

???: jeremiah is like the responsible eldest 

miah: fair

homeless assassin: jonathan and cat are the edgy teenagers

baghead: yell

the furry: heah 

a ghost: what about me??

clownboi: or me??

the chill one: the middle children that cause the most trouble 

clownboi: fuck yeah

a ghost: s i c k

the chill one: btw, is anyone hungry? I’m going to make some sandwiches if anyone wants to come and help

miah: sure

baghead: i’m hungry so yeeee

the furry: see y’all in the kitchen


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Some of) the gang goes grocery shopping, chaos ensues as per usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's disco time.

homeless assassin: mkay which of you wants to come grocery shopping with me today?

a ghost: are any of us actually … doing anything? like aren’t all of us free?

the furry: i have to talk to alfie about something 

clownboi: the butler?

miah: the butler?

clownboi: jinx! twinsies!

miah: i’ll kill you

???: I also have to go discuss some things with some other people

homeless assassin: oswald?

???: and barbara, they’re discussing property regulations and such

homeless assassin: oh say hi to them for me

clownboi: oh yeah, i was actually gonna go out and try to find my own place away from you guys 

a ghost: r00d

clownboi: <3

a ghost: >:(

hatty: wasn’t it your idea to get this place?

clownboi: actually it was miah’s

clownboi: plus it was just until we could get back on our feet 

clownboi: you think i wanna live with y’all? Smh

a ghost: >:’’’’((((

baghead: damn jerome

clownboi: kidding, love y’all <3

???: no

homeless assassin: ANYWAYS, Fries can’t go in his suit to the store, and cat and ed are busy, and jerome is being a dick. rest of you wanna come?

baghead: sure

a ghost: k

hatty: alright

miah: fine

a ghost: ivy?

scary plant lady: sure ig

homeless assassin: ok i think we have enough room in my car, i’ve got four seats besides the driver one

miah: theres 5 of us

homeless assassin: …. squeeze together in the back?

scary plant lady: i call shotgun!

miah: *sigh*

homeless assassin: arright you four pile in the back there 

***

baghead: sos

the chill one: what’s wrong?

baghead: zsasz is playing disco music

the chill one: ?

baghead: at full volume 

baghead: in the middle of traffic

a ghost: we can’t escape 

a ghost: jeremiah can’t reach his phone from how he’s sitting all squished up 

a ghost: he wants the Memes

the chill one: oh no

a ghost: he’s yelling at zsasz to turn it down now

baghead: zsasz can’t hear him

baghead: oh fuck no

the chill one: what’s happening now??

baghead: Ivy and zsasz started singing along really loudly to ‘its raining men’

a ghost: jervis might also be singing too but i can’t hear him over them

baghead: jeremiah is glaring so hard right now

a ghost: i’m the only thing between jeremiah and the door to the car and i’m really worried he’s gonna push me into traffic to get out

baghead: update jervis is actually singing along but this music is so loud i can barely hear it

baghead: and i’m sitting next to him

the chill one: oof

baghead: yep

a ghost: h e p l

the chill one: how far are you guys from the store?

baghead: not far, i don’t think

a ghost: weird, i’ve never been in this part of the city 

baghead: ok we pulled up into the parking lot and zsasz turned it down

a ghost: i’m calling shotgun next time so i can maybe turn it down for the ride back

baghead: w e h a v e t o r i d e b a c k

baghead: f u c k

the chill one: language

baghead: <:0

baghead: >:0

_ baghead _ changed  _ 1  _ nickname

the not chill one: what did you do

the not chill one: jonathan

baghead: i plead not guilty

the not chill one: get me some Rocky Road ice cream and i won’t freeze you for that

baghead: deal

the not chill one: how are you guys getting groceries: wouldn’t it be pretty conspicuous to have you all as a group?

baghead: jervis and i got our own cart and part of the shopping list

baghead: ivy and bridgit got their section, and zsasz and jeremiah got theres

a ghost: fries, everything you want is on the list right?

the not chill one: besides the rocky road, yes

baghead: <image sent of Rocky Road ice cream in a shopping cart pushed by jervis>

the not chill one: :D

a ghost: he’s learning emojis! :D

miah: woooo 

hatty: GUYS THE JELLO’S ON SALE

a ghost: wHAT 

a ghost: WHERE

hatty: TWO AISLES FROM THE FRUIT

hatty: HURRY

baghead: jervis looks like he wants to shove the entire display of jello into the cart

a ghost: IM COMING GUYS

a ghost: JELLOOOO

miah: did ivy go with you to the jello?

a ghost: ….

a ghost: S h i t

the not chill one: language also please go find ivy???

baghead: remember last time?

miah: please keep an eye on jervis

baghead: i will lmao

baghead: he isn’t leaving the jello

clownboi: JELLO????????

the not chill one: hi jerome

clownboi: i just checked the chat and JELLO???

clownboi: also, jervis, no rhymes?

hatty: J E L L O

clownboi: understandable, have a nice day

a ghost: guys

miah: ?

a ghost: uhhh

a ghost: i can’t find ivy

miah: oh no

miah: find her before zsasz finds out

miah: he’s asking why i’m on my phone i gtg

a ghost: oh no

baghead: meet me by the entrance and we’ll search for her??

a ghost: i mean she can’t have gone far, right??

baghead: i don’t?? think so???

the not chill one: wait where is jervis?

baghead: i told him to get the rest of the list

a ghost: ok split up on either end of the store and work our way in?

baghead: yeah and try to avoid zsasz so he doesn’t ask where ivy is

the not chill one: good luck you two

hatty: indeed

hatty: also i’m almost finished with the list and then i can go help look

baghead: thanks a ton, jervis

hatty: of course

***

a ghost: ok guys i found her

the not chill one: where was she??

a ghost: crying by the herbs

a ghost: her ‘diced friends’

the not chill one: oh dear

a ghost: ok i got her to calm down and we are meeting with the others

miah: thank god, just as zsasz and i finished our list 

miah: meet by the back door guys?

baghead: aight we're heading out now

a ghost: no one spotted us ha ha

the not chill one: how did no one spot six wanted criminals pushing filled shopping carts?

a ghost: *shrug*

a ghost: F U C K

the not chill one: language, and what?

baghead: dang

miah: HA BITCHES

miah: sorry bridgit but HA

miah: while bridgit was texting the gc, i called shotgun H A

baghead: dang it

scary plant lady: Oh screw you miah

miah: >:D

hatty: =|,’:o

***

baghead: well we home 

a ghost: at least miah convinces zsasz to turn the radio down

miah: guys zsasz is about to check the chat

a ghost: shit

homeless assassin: i’m going to kill all of you

homeless assassin: except u fries

homeless assassin: victor solidarity

a ghost: fries has never done anything wrong in his life and we love him

the not chill one: y’all know i’ve killed a bunch of people with my freeze gun right?

a ghost: <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremiah and Cat talk, and Jonathan gets a bit murder-y.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half is a bit more serious, so sorry about that, but I wanted to get that cleared up and out of the way. That character deserved a lot better than what the characters made him do, and I wanted to fix it up a bit without erasing the damage he caused.
> 
> The rest is the normal crack stuff :D
> 
> Jerome - clownboi  
> Jeremiah - miah  
> Jonathan - baghead  
> Jervis - hatty  
> Bridgit - a ghost  
> Selina - the furry  
> Ivy - scary plant lady  
> Zsasz - homeless assassin  
> Nygma - ???  
> Fries - the not chill one

clownboi: anyone down for some murder?

baghead: it’s 3 am

homeless assassin: ofc

the not chill one: who in particular?

clownboi: *shrug* idk 

the furry: ill murder you if you all don’t stop texting in the gc and waking me up

miah: b o i 

miah: it’s called ‘do not disturb’

the furry: it’s called shut the fuck up

miah: bro wtf

the furry: you fucking shot me shut up

the not chill one: ok let’s all calm down

miah: can u chill i said i was sorry about that

the furry: you know what you did…..

miah: ???

???: i was summoned

baghead: no you weren’t

the furry: i don’t have time for this 

the furry: i don’t have to talk to you

miah: fine

_ miah  _ has kicked  _ 1 _ person

baghead: wOaH tHeRe

homeless assassin: wth jeremiah??

_ the not chill one  _ has kicked  _ 1  _ person

the not chill one: they’re both in time out now 

baghead: d a m n

*******

_ fries _ has added  _ 3 _ other people

fries: ok you two are in time out, so until you can work out this tension, you two won’t be allowed back

jeremiah: wtf??

selina: karma, bitch

jeremiah: what the actual hell

vz: why am i here?

fries: to help resolve this

selina: i’m too tired for this but whatever 

selina: jeremiah shot me, and then forced bruce to relive his trauma, double his already massive fucking guilt, nearly killed him and Alfred, and blew up their home

jeremiah: and u fucking stabbed me

selina: wth

selina: also the other thing 

jeremiah: ????

selina: bruce might be blind and oblivious but i’m not

jeremiah: ok 1. i was *going* to apologize to bruce and work it out with him but he fucking left and that’s between him and me. not between me and you. i shot you, you stabbed me. *we* are even. and 2. i have no idea what you’re talking about????

selina: either you think i’m an actual idiot or you are just THAT completely unaware of your own emotions 

selina: you’ve been nonstop flirting with bruce?

jeremiah: wth????

selina: you have, and now it doesn’t matter because, as you said, bruce fuckin left, but before, while he and i were still together, you wouldn’t stop flirting in the most dangerous ways possible??

jeremiah: that’s not true

selina: you sure? he told me some of the stuff you said, and somehow didn’t notice you literally flirting with him

jeremiah: selina stop 

jeremiah: stop being so overprotective????

selina: i’m not. but my main problem with you doing that is that you’re not healthy for bruce

jeremiah: what does that mean

selina: you forced him to relive his trauma just to be close to him

jeremiah: i know my actions were horrifically messed up and wrong, ok! 

jeremiah: the effects of the gas started to get reversed when i came into contact with the fumes from Ace Chemicals (luckily i didn’t fall in, phew) and since then as its worn off i realize how fucked up that was

jeremiah: i told you, i was going to go talk to him but he left 

jeremiah: it was fucked up, believe me

jeremiah: i can’t forgive myself for what i did, i know it was absolutely horrible to bruce and i didn’t mean to hurt him like that. i wish i could undo what i did, but i can’t. but i *am* incredibly sorry

selina: …

jeremiah: PLUS i’m sorry i shot you. i’m glad you were able to recover, though

selina: ….

selina: … ok

selina: i don’t fully forgive you for what you did to bruce, but that’s for bruce to deal with. 

selina: i guess we’re even for the shooting/stabbing ordeal

selina: ……. i’m glad u realize it was fucked up. 

jeremiah: thanks

selina: one more thing, though

jeremiah: ?

selina: admit you were flirting with bruce

jeremiah: but i wasn’t???

selina: i told u, he left, we’re over, so you can just say it

jeremiah: selina i don’t like bruce like that

selina: ….. sure

vz: big oof

fries: wow, you two managed that really well

fries: proud of you, ‘miah

jeremiah: …. ‘,:) ?

vz: that was actually… really mature of you both?

selina: you two really are the dads huh

_ vz _ has left the chat

jeremiah: he’s scared of being a dad dang

fries: he’ll come around

selina: have you?

fries: uhhhhh

_ fries  _ has left the chat

selina: lmaoooo

jeremiah: lol

jeremiah: also… are we cool?

selina: yeah, ig

selina: but now imma head back to bed peace 

jeremiah: peace lmao

*******

_ the not chill one _ added  _ 2 _ people 

baghead: they backkkk

miah: we got it figured out

homeless assassin: where’s selina

miah: she went back to sleep lmao

homeless assassin: lmao valid

the not chill one: as should we all

baghead: (0 ) (0 )

clownboi: are those-?

baghead: N O

baghead: wtf jer 

clownboi: u can’t call me jer, we have three jers 

clownboi: me being the best of course

baghead: are u sure about that

baghead: are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?

clownboi: actually ur right jervis is the best 

hatty: <3

baghead: since when have u been awake????

hatty: a few minutes?

hatty: when you yelled after losing a game of 2048

clownboi: lmaoooo jonny boy getting stressed over 2048

baghead: i was so close to a highscore

baghead: also sorry jervis! i’ll be quieter

baghead: also also jerome if you call me jonny boy i will snap your neck

clownboi: ok john

baghead: that’s it ur dead

hatty: r.i.p. jerome 2k19

???: jerome just gets constant death threats doesn’t he

hatty: sounds about right

hatty: back in arkham i’m pretty sure there was a plot every week to have him killed

hatty: jonathan organized most of them

clownboi: THAT WAS YOU?????

baghead: u fucking hogged all the dessert

???: hold up they had dessert?

hatty: ah yes i forgot you went to arkham for a bit

hatty: different warden and administration, yes we got little fruit cups or brownies sometimes

baghead: not one M&M. for 4 fucking years. 

baghead: not one. 

clownboi: throw back to the time we broke out and we stopped by a convenience store before splitting up and jonathan ripped open a bag of m&ms and just. poured it. straight into his mouth. 

hatty: he took his mask off so he could open his mouth more

clownboi: he nearly detached his whole jaw like a fucking snake

baghead: i hate you both

baghead: m&ms are fucking delicious

???: ok but what kind of m&ms?

baghead: milk chocolate, i’m not a ducking heathen

hatty: but ,,, peanut butter?

baghead: jervis istg that’s disgusting

baghead: why would you ruin a perfectly good m&m with a peanut??

clownboi: there are only two valid m&m flavors: milk chocolate and mint

baghead: A M E N

???: that’s incredibly correct

hatty: rude

hatty: i will die on this mound of peanut m&ms

baghead: then perish 

hatty: >:’(

baghead: wait no don’t

baghead: don’t cry

hatty: <:’’(

baghead: jervis oh no

???: oh no what did you do 

clownboi: jonny boi done fucked

baghead: çäłł mę jøñńÿ bôÿ õńē mòrę tïmē

clownboi: ok

_ clownboi  _ changed  _ 1 _ nickname

???: oh no

jonny boi: hey jerome?

clownboi: <3 yeah?

jonny boi: sleep well tonight :)

???: rip jerome

clownboi: imma… head offline…..

jonny boi: good night jerome. :)

clownboi: ………….

???: jonathan you’ve killed two people now wtf

_??? _ changed  _ 1 _ nickname

serial killer: oh well

serial killer: wait no

hatty: oh no

???: rip to jervis who sleeps right above a serial killer

hatty: jonathan, we’re friends right?? 

hatty: <333

serial killer: :)

hatty: oh shit oh fuck oh fhajsbsjs

???: i’m going to just,,, lock the bedroom door tonight. 

serial killer: :) hi ed

???: wait why are jervis and jerome both offline now??

serial killer: :) hi ed

???: i locked the door so ha

serial killer: i mean that’s your only exit route, but ok…. :)

???: jonathan are u…. are u in here???

serial killer: don’t look at ur bed now

???: where tf is zsasz?

serial killer: :) 

serial killer: oh look at that i’m the only one online :)

serial killer: what a shame :(

miah: we all need serious help don’t we

serial killer: probably 


End file.
